Damienyaps

 On April 29, 2018 I said, “ight, I’ma head out.” You’re reading, or not reading my BLAHG so I guess that means I couldn’t find the damn door. Classic Damien bullshit, I even fucked up trying to off myself and ended up with a $500 ambulance bill and a massive headache. It’s been seven years. I think I can make awful and distasteful jokes about it now right? Like good thing I wasn’t depressed over being in debt… I’ve made jokes about it, I’ve talked about it, I’ve added elements from what got me there in all of my work, so now what? I dunno.  I feel like at some point I should prolly shut the fuck up about it, but I don’t want to. There’s a serious issue in our world with people NOT talking about feeling the way I felt because they feel ashamed. I will continue to talk about my attempt, and life after, every time it’s relevant. If just one single person sees me talking about this with zero shame, maybe they won’t feel as bad approaching friends? We go to war on these apps for peopl...

I’ve often told Bre that I just believe some people get away with everything, while some of us are out here being held to an impossible standard and criticized for years over a single mistake. My personal hero, Mercedes Varnado, is CONSTANTLY criticized for small things, things people don’t understand, and actually being good at what she does. She makes a small slip up in the ring, and the nicknames flow in about how bad she is and how she botches every single match. It just isn’t true. As a fan, I could care less about insider jargon or whatever the fuck. I want to be entertained by real life superheroes. But, there are some wrestlers AHEMCMPUNKAHEM who can seemingly get away with fucking murder while people like Mercedes are not even allowed to challenge toxic fan behavior.  I’ve noticed this a TON in my teaching and writing lives. One student who is thought of as “bad” can say fuck and get suspended, while one who is “good” can get in a fight and face no consequences at all. It’...

  The career I went to college for doesn’t exist. It’s taken three long and painful years to realize that. I started my college career because I decided that if I was going to survive my attempt at unaliving myself, I would do everything in my power to be the person for young people I wished I had. I’m confident I’ve done that. I’m confident my students know they can come to me about their lives.  If you can’t gather this from the first lil bit of this BLAHG, I’m pretty sure I’m leaving teaching. Full disclosure: some friends and peers have asked me to reconsider and try one more school (both of my schools have been toxic for not just me, but hella toxic for the students), because of their request and confidence in me, I have applied to a few schools, and will apply to 1-2 more in the summer. If it happens before I get an outside of EDU job, cool, if it doesn’t, cool.  I’m at peace with it. I’ve found that a large portion of education is making sure students behave, don’t ha...