Punk Icon Sabrina Carpenter.

I think I’ve finally calmed down enough over the past two months to be able to type any of this and think about any of it without going into a blind rage. I’m pissed, I’m beyond pissed, but right now at least, I can put my thoughts together. 

A story, a few years ago, I pulled into a gas station I frequented on my way to school. A woman who works the register was wearing an Invisible Man shirt. I had said “cool shirt” to her a couple times before for similar classic monster stuff. I love the Invisible Man, read Coffin Dodger, and you’ll immediately know that. Unfortunately my overexcitement to find a like minded person could not be contained that day and I tried to start a convo about the classic monsters. 

Most of what I said was met with a “yeah,” or a simple nod. 

I left feeling bad. Like, what did I do? I wondered if I had accidentally came across as flirtatious or misread some social cue. Bre always says I wouldn’t be able to pick up on a single “romantic” social cue from anyone if they were literally at my home asking staying the night and asking for my hand in marriage. I’m an idiot about that stuff and I think that’s because I want to be everyone’s friend, that’s how everyone else is. 

The more I overthought this exchange, the more I realized.. of course she was short in reply. We live in a world where if a waitress is nice to a guy, he thinks she wants to breed a basketball team with him. This woman probably has had a million convos like this one that turned immediately gross, or into some dude sending voice memos crying about how he isn’t good enough in an attempt to gaslight her. 

Fuck, all I wanted to do was talk about how bad ass The Invisible Man is. I get it tho, I do not fault her at all. I encourage her to do that again and again. The world isn’t safe for her, and especially not now. 

In the oddest transition of all time I want to tell you I listen to Short ‘N Sweet by Sabrina Carpenter more than any middle aged dude should(by society’s weird gender norm standards). I couldn’t relate to it any less, all the songs are about how confident she is, while I’m like one self deprecating joke away from having to have a serious conversation about how bad of a self image I have. Anyway, it’s like 5am and I’m jamming Espresso to get in a good mood every Friday. Why? First, it’s a goddamn bop after bop album. Second, it’s the most punk album I’ve heard in years along with Chappel’s Midwest Princess album. It’s not your new Harm’s Way record, it’s not whatever NOFX slapped their logo on and released again. Sabrina Carpenter is Jello Biafra writing Chickenshit Conformist level punk. 

Our country has had this excessively weird predator prey setup for so long that it’s ingrained into our every move. The grossest thing I’ve noticed about growing up as a guy is how often other guys view sexuality as a form of that relationship and use sexualization of women as a tactic to feel dominant. 

A woman makes you mad? Say you won’t make it with her. 

A woman is “hot” and makes you mad? Say you will make it with her in a weird barbaric caveman way. 

When a woman is a “bitch”, it’s because no dude wants to make it with her. 

When a woman is promoted, it’s because someone powerful wanted to make it with her. 

Nothing in our world is used as more of a power tactic than the weird dominance some men think they have through sexuality. 

I think this is reflected in the amount of SA crimes we have, the entertainment we consume, the way we judge an actor, the way we say someone is “ugly” when they seem powerful, the way we seem to value a woman and her “attractiveness” the same as monetary wealth. 

Sabrina Carpenter’s music I’ve seen defined as extremely sexualized, her outfits are revealing, her performances are not PG… yet somehow… she’s still for the girls, so to say. 

It isn’t a performative sexuality to draw in the male gaze. She is confident in who she is as a human being, and in a sexual way. She doesn’t need some guy’s approval or judgement in how happy she should be. 

She is wielding the weapon that has been used against women for years and shrugging off all the gross comments like “how many people has she slept with?”

Seriously, why has THAT ever mattered in someone’s music? I could have a whole other rant about how dudes value a high body count in their bros, but shame a woman for it. I’ll not get into any of that because honestly I’m already running my mouth about things I probably have zero business talking about anyway. But, I think that thought turns into “how many times have you been the predator or the prey?” That’s what those conversations are. 

If a woman can boldly be sexual, can boldly talk about men in the same way that men talk about them… what does that mean for all of the fragile egos that can’t handle finding a different thing to make themselves feel like they have any point in existing?

People are pissed at Sabrina because:

A) she’s subverting a system that has benefitted men forever. 

B) they think ANY woman who is like her is not worth anything, and they have to reflect on how they value human life

C) they’re too ignorant to have even a smidgen of self awareness. 

D) they are predatory. 

The album is punk in the same vein as Blondie.

It’s challenging us to look at everyone around us and see how they react to a woman who is using her sexuality as a dominant trait, and not a submissive one. Sabrina’s album, Chappels album, Kacey’s album, Meghan’s album, and so many more… we need these right now. 

If you’ve read Shark-Squatch, or plan to, it’s impossible to miss how much Sabrina, Chappell, and Meghan I put in the book. Music has always been a driving force in my writing, and I firmly believe these women are the AOC’s and Ilhan Omar’s of music and pop culture. 

That’s my timer so…

Honestly, it’s a great album. 

Honestly, I may have overstepped on this one trying to make sense of something I cannot understand. 

I try to listen, I try to be empathetic, and I will always be supportive. 

Shark-Squatch has absolutely put a bad taste in some people’s mouths about ol Damien. Again, a Wendy Dalrymple cameo with some wisdom, she asked if I noticed a trait amongst the people who were annoyed, and the people who were connecting with the book. 

I do. 

Watching some things that have happened with people around me has sparked a lot of thoughts on my part. How the fuck can I even begin to help anyone when people like Gaiman are appearing as safe, but are predators? What the fuck am I supposed to do when I’ve been friends with a predator and did not see it? 

I have to force myself to do better. Living with myself after hearing and seeing the things that some of these people have done, one I was pretty close with, is physically painful to me. I let someone in my circle do this shit and I didn’t even raise a finger because I didn’t know? 

That goes into another yap territory about how women just flat out do not feel safe telling anyone. Who can blame them? I watched three extremely brave women tell their stories, give proof, and stand on business only for the dude to basically say “nuh uh,” and have plenty of support. 

How is it that three against one, with proof, can be destroyed by a “nuh uh,” and a shrug? The same shit people are mad at Sabrina about. If these men have to challenge their peers on the same shit they do, on the same shit they want to do, the same shit they know they would do… what do they have? 

These men are standing with a predator because they so desperately want to be that tertiary predator that they will say, “yeah, man! Give me another book about the sheriff!”

If you know me, you know how highly I think of Wendy Dalrymple, during some convo she said something along the lines of “no internet friendship is worth my morality.”

Yeah. 

That can’t just be about the internet. 

We’ve all got to do better as men. 

Where are all the people who so prominently speak out against writer’s using AI, using pity tactics to sell books, shaming bad pubs, and every other uproar of the week when it’s women who have been abused? Why all of a sudden are these issues something deemed “DRAWMA” and something to “not get involved in” when y’all are pissed-off about some editor telling lies that you believe? Get real. Speak up for what matters. 

Please, hold your friends accountable, make the world safer, and listen to Sabrina. 

K thx. 

Ps: I love how I hear my timer, acknowledge it happened in the writing, and then continue ranting.