Kacey Musgraves could write a song about this… but she won’t… and that’s okay… my feelings aren’t even hurt.



The career I went to college for doesn’t exist. It’s taken three long and painful years to realize that. I started my college career because I decided that if I was going to survive my attempt at unaliving myself, I would do everything in my power to be the person for young people I wished I had. I’m confident I’ve done that. I’m confident my students know they can come to me about their lives. 

If you can’t gather this from the first lil bit of this BLAHG, I’m pretty sure I’m leaving teaching. Full disclosure: some friends and peers have asked me to reconsider and try one more school (both of my schools have been toxic for not just me, but hella toxic for the students), because of their request and confidence in me, I have applied to a few schools, and will apply to 1-2 more in the summer. If it happens before I get an outside of EDU job, cool, if it doesn’t, cool. 

I’m at peace with it. I’ve found that a large portion of education is making sure students behave, don’t have their phones, and only have enjoyment when teachers allow it. I’ve found that teachers who go against the grain and expect better for their students, put a light on people who abuse their power, and genuinely put the students first are not wanted in education and will be bullied thus. I may be wrong, but this has been my experience. I could write a separate BLAHG about it, but I’ll leave it at that. Really, I know I am about impossible to get along with, and a lot of what I’ve experienced may be fully due to my own assholism. I also know that my priorities in EDU have always been: student safety mentally and physically, student support, student comfort talking to me, student learning, how I can be better for my students. I have, and always will fight for my students (to my detriment) no matter what. 

In short, it’s confusing. I know I’ve done more right than wrong, and I’ve tried my best to right the things I have done wrong. But to know I’m doing what I should be doing, and being made to feel like I’m a failure and horrible at teaching is disheartening. I can’t even begin to feel like I’ve been a good teacher when so many around me have told me I’m awful at it through their actions and words. 

That isn’t even the biggest problem. Treat me however, I don’t care honestly. Tell me I’m being a problem starter when I expect students to be put first; again I don’t care, and that’s shows more about you than me. But the way I see students being treated is disgusting. Education in America needs a massive reconstruction. 

What is the issue?

I don’t know. I’ve written about this before. I have no idea how to fix any of it. I can identify it fairly well; teachers who “aren’t getting paid enough” to care about students past a bell, students who feel that energy, teachers who focus on their needs and punish when annoyed, students who see that and then annoy, teachers who hold grudges, and students who react to those daily grudges. It’s what my old cook friend Gonzo used to call a “fuck you circle”- you piss me off, I do something to piss you off, and it goes back and forth ad infinitum. Is that the right phrase? Fuck it! 

I know it’s like this everywhere, and teachers deserve to be treated well, blah blah blah. But here’s the facts: teachers are here to not only teach a content, but to model how students should behave in society… a grown ass adult should not be holding a day to day grudge with a teenager. It’s absurd, obnoxious, and honestly vile. These people are in positions of power using that to essentially bully students into doing whatever busy work they’ve decided is the best for them to do. Teachers are judging other teachers by how much students like or dislike a teacher, admin is judging if students are learning anything by three forty minute class sit ins a year. 

Guess who no one is asking? The students. 

A few weeks back I started passing out surveys to students to fill out anonymously to tell me how my class is as far as safety, learning, environment, and collaboration. The results were fine, some gave not honest feedback and put all amazing for fear of a punishment if they didn’t, some put all zeros as a way to troll me, but in between, I got some solid feedback about what I was doing to help students, and what I could do better. 

I took the suggestions/grades and implemented some changes based on them. 

My students have done better. 

Imagine that. 

I asked the people who are supposed to be learning how I could teach them better, and then did it. What a concept. 

But, it’s a concept that was laughed at during a staff meeting. 

I’ve worked with amazing teachers, but I’ve also worked with male teachers who go into the girls bathroom(which the VP then lies about), admin and teachers who label a person wanting to make positive change as a “troublemaker”, teachers who are more focused on students in the hall than the ones in their class, teachers who stand in the hallway to spy on other teachers, and bullies. Thats the disheartening part, the goddamn bullies. 

Education has become admin first, teacher second, and then students in the schools I’ve taught. Something has to change. Students deserve more regardless of what paycheck a teacher takes home. Students deserve more than just being shoved through a murky swamp of content by a cold personality that they feel like they cannot talk to about anything. Students deserve to feel like they WANT to go to school. 

If you’re a teacher reading this, I challenge you to rethink what you’re doing. Rethink how you treat students; do they think you’re here to help them, or to punish them like they’re in “baby’s first prison”? How do you treat your peers? Do you help them? Do you sit in the hallway and talk about students AND other teachers where teachers, students, and the guy dropping off science books can hear you? Are you telling students “I had to do it this way, so you do to?” Are you giving people homework without any thought as to what they have going on at home that prevents it from being done? Homework is so fucking pointless, I can’t even type it all here, but seriously. You don’t know if they take care of siblings, have a terrible home life, or if they’re even doing the work and not just copy pasting. Jesus, it’s so stupid to give homework. Counterproductive AF. 

Here’s what you should ask after that rant where I homework shamed you. 

How are you making people’s lives, and the world better everyday without just being a master in teaching your content area?

If you’re in education, please always be learning. Please always be open to new ideas and ways of doing things. I know far too many good teachers and students who have checked out because of the bad. Stop making people do stuff because you had to. Society has to PROGRESS not stay stagnant. 

Be the person you need and needed. 

I don’t know what I’m going to do moving forward, which is a little scary. Complete transparency, it’s terrifying. But, I refuse to let this bad experience of 3+ years make me bitter toward people. People can change, people can be better. In every single aspect of my life I will fight to make things better.